What I Want

by - December 23, 2015

 Some people know exactly what they want in life. They grow up knowing what they'll do and who they'll be. The literally have their life planned out and that's how it is.
Then there are people like me who take it day by day, week by week, month by month. I know what I want, but I didn't always want the same thing. Two years ago I wanted to study abroad in London, last year somewhere in Australia, this year I want to go to SCAD. Now my mind could always change but at this point I don't really know if it will.
There's nothing wrong with having everything planned since birth, and there's nothing wrong with having things planned as of this morning. It takes time for people to know what they want sometimes. While in high school, I wanted to study abroad for college but at the same time I didn't want to go. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life for those four years. But I did know what I wanted later in life. I do know that I want to be married by 25. I do know I want to have 5 kids, I don't care what gender any of them are as long as they are happy and healthy. I do know who I'd like to be married to, but we all have those celebrity boy crushes we know won't ever happen, except to the lucky few. I mean my celebrity boy crush lives in England, and I doubt I'll ever meet him of course. But who doesn't love to dream? I do know where I'd like to live whether it be a couple months or years. I do know what I'd like my job to be, but who knows if I'll be successful in it. I do know where I want to get married, on a nice island I always seem to talk about. I do know what kind of relationship I want. I do know I want to be married only once and forever, till death do us part. I do know what I want to be like when I'm older; happy, anxiety-free, stress-free, content with the great life I have. 
I can see myself doing things, living the life I want. But just because I can see it when I close my eyes doesn't mean it'll happen. I have to work to make it happen, but even then it may not. Sometimes things are out of my hands, but other times I'm to scared to start working towards what I want.
Maybe I will never get into SCAD, ever. Maybe I'll never get married, or if I do maybe I can't have kids of my own. Maybe I'll never live in Australia, England, Ireland, or anywhere but Ohio. Maybe I'll never be a professional artist or be able to make a career off of something I love to do, like my paintings.Maybe I won't be able to afford anything but eloping at a court house. Maybe my future husband and I will have a horrible relationship after a while and get a divorce. Maybe I'll always have stress, anxiety, and depression in my life.
 Who knows? Perhaps I get half the things I hope for in my life with half the things I don't. Maybe nothing goes my way, maybe everything will (fingers crossed, knock on wood). I could die tomorrow; I don't know what will happen tomorrow. And even people with plans don't.
 What I want in life are things that are equally as possible as they are impossible. What I want to do with my life is up to me just as much as it is up to the world.

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