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Let Me Be Audrey

April 22, 2016


  I would love to be as sophisticated and as mesmerizing as Audrey Hepburn was. People were known to fall in love with her just by looking in her eyes. She was graceful, charismatic, giving, kind, beautiful, and funny. She was and is an icon of generosity and beauty. In her movies, like Breakfast at Tiffany's, she knew how to have a guy fall in love with her without even trying. Now, of course, that was a 1961 movie, but still.
 I can never seem to catch the eyes of the guy I like, let alone talk to him. I ramble so much because I get so damn scared, and then I curse in front of a guy for 3 hours only to realize he doesn't curse... If I was 21 I probably would have downed a glass of wine just in hopes to forget I made a fool of myself. Even better though, add more glasses of wine because, he said he couldn't see himself with anyone he met at a party (when I was saying the same thing but the reason was because all the guys are drunk, he wasn't). He also said I looked like his sister at the end of the night, I would have downed a whole bottle after that if I was 21 and even had an appeal to drinking. The amount of embarrassment I had probably radiated off of my cheeks.
 Talking to this guy was super fun though, he was essentially the male version of me. We were both there purely to poorly babysit our two friends who drink. He was a real sport too, jumped in the hall cupboard just to scare his friend simply due to the fact my friend wanted me to do it. With college ending soon there won't exactly be time to chat it up at parties anymore.
I've met a lot of really cool people these past few weekends at parties, it sucks that they'll all be leaving soon for the summer. Not that this guy lives to far away but still. It does suck though because I can tell this guy, who asked me what my favorite Taylor Swift album was (yes I could have married him right then and there) is genuinely a truly good person. I could internally throw a tantrum like Holly Golightly did when she found out about her brother Fred due to the fact that I meet a really great guy with less than two weeks left.
 What troubles me is, due to my social anxiety, I feel like I left with a really horrible impression of myself. Not that I did anything horrid like trip a girl or push some kid down the stairs, but still. I over think, I critic everything I did in front of him or said to him, I even worry in my head that maybe he's utterly disgusted by me and was only there so his friend could flirt with my friend. I know Audrey had these problems too at times, she had some self-esteem issues every now and then. But I think if I had the grace that she had, I may not be so harsh on myself. I need to build up my confidence a bit because, not to brag (I sound horrid already) apparently I'm mesmerizing to a lot of the guys I meet at parties but never the ones I connect with.
 For now I'll just sleep my mornings away (just kidding) and wait till the last party of college this year comes around so I can see if I can stumble upon this guy again before he leaves. I mean we are friends aren't we? Or at least most likely. (Probably not considering I've been utterly and completely ignored by this handsome guy... Looks like we totally aren't friends...)

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