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Puppy Love

May 27, 2016


I sort of the Taylor Swift of my friend group, I always have relationship advice on hand and I can tell you all that you need to hear. But what's funny is that since I have all of this relationship advice you would think I've had my fair share of falling for boys and being in relationships. Well that's extremely far from the truth. In fact I've been in one relationship and that was only 6 months long. So out of my 19 years of life, 6 months have been shared with another person.
 The main question I get is, were you in love? Now that's a very easy question to answer right? Yes or no is really your only two options to speak. At first my answer was spoken in 6 seconds and that was yes, I was in love. Then for a long time the answer was a harsh and quick no to anyone who asked. But as I get older the no starts to take longer to say. I start to think about my answer, maybe I shouldn't say no, maybe I should just say maybe... I even told my ex that I was never in love with him, his response to that was 'ouch' of course... But now I wish I could tell him that isn't the real answer, neither is yes really but I guess this is sorta hard to explain...
 I wasn't in love with him, but at the time I thought I was. I totally thought it was me and him against the world, we were totally in love! I mean we had even said it to her, but at 15/16 it was sorta just words we said that we knew the meaning to, but didn't really mean. It was a juvenile childish sort of love towards each other that we reciprocated. We thought we loved each other but how can we really when we didn't truly understand the meaning of that word? We had heard our parents say it to each other, we had heard our parents say it to us, we knew we loved our parents and siblings... but how could we tell if we had loved anyone else? You grow up loving your family so you don't even really need to think about what love feels like, so why question it when you're only 14 or 15 and saying it to someone?
 If someone asked me today, right now, if I was in love with him then I would say that it was just puppy love. We thought we loved each other, at the time maybe we did just a little bit, but it was always in a childish way.
And if he asked me if I had loved him then? I guess this is what I would say to him...


 I don't think so, or at least not really. I don't think I ever really loved you in the way we could love someone now. I think that what we had was simply puppy love darling. I'm not saying what we had didn't mean anything, it meant a lot to me and still does of course, it's just that it didn't mean as much as we thought it did. We were both so young, so childish, we were literally kids who had a Romeo and Juliet concept in our brain. At 15 I don't think you can really truly love anybody to the extent that we had hoped we were doing. I will always hold a little space in my heart for you because you were my first 'love', but it was puppy love, child's play. I hope you don't take any offense to this but it's just how I feel. I don't know how you look back on those days, I don't know if you ever think about those days like I do, I don't know if people even ask you about those days. But I feel like we were just to young for love, we were just starting to figure ourselves out and love ourselves (which I'm still working on) that I don't see how we could have possibly loved anyone else. But thank you for the days, the birthday wishes, the laughs, the memories, the nights, the songs, the jokes, the nicknames, and all of that. I love that, but I'm sorry... I just don't think I ever really loved you...

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