"I Like You"

 So perhaps Fred Darling Paul Varjak didn't tell Holly, "I like you, I like like you, I like you like you" but he did tell her that he loved her. And just like Holly, I always have the worst reactions to those words. Not bad as in freak out or scream at the person, but bad like Holly's reaction. At first Holly just looks at him and his mouth, confused and unsettled by the words that just passed his lips. She then yanks herself away from him and walks off towards the bathroom. Though later, in the taxi, when he says it again she replies with a "so what?" and doesn't look at him.
  For me, believing that a guy 'like likes' me is something that's hard to believe. It's so weird to put into words but for me it's truly, simply, hard to believe. It's not that I find myself unlikeable, it's just always a true shock that someone does. And I'm painfully oblivious to it too. So painful even that when a guy tells me he likes me, I might as well give him the same look Audrey did. I assume they're joking at first, or just stating it as something like they like me- as a friend. Or that they like my personality. But never that they like me in that liking sort of way that leads to real dating and being a couple and hey, maybe even marriage in the rare occasion.
 I didn't realize how taken back I am by the simple words and the meaning behind "I like you" until a guy said it to me this past weekend. If you could play this library scene of Paul telling Holly he loved her, but replace love with like, well you would be able to see just how it happened.
 Here I am, living my life like Holly in a one bedroom apartment with my poor slob of a cat. Living it up while I'm at parties, reading and listening to records when I'm at home, and enjoying all of it. And who would have guessed that somewhere along the way of that a boy barely older than me would say those words to me that I never expected him in particular would say.
 When he said that though I was so awestruck that I almost burned my hand on my hair straightener.
 I don't know why I couldn't understand it. I literally have absolutely no reason as to why I couldn't believe it, why I couldn't accept it, or why I couldn't understand it. I just simply could not.
 Like with Holly, my reaction was essentially sort of the same. The ended up leaving my place and just like Holly and her friend Fred Paul I'm not sure what this means. After he said "I love you" to Holly he just sort of left, and that was it for a while. And that's what happened with me and this my friend who's name is neither Paul nor Fred, he's back to his life and I'm back to mine. Almost like the words were never said. Like he never told me, he never felt that, he never thought of that. No words were exchanged, that moment just never happened. And surprisingly, I'm okay with that.
Lily said...

YOU ARE NOT ALONE! My boyfriend told me he loved me and all I said was "that's nice John" and nodded at him because I was so shocked by what he said.

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