Find Yourself, Then Them

  I've seen Cory Matthews and Topanga Lawrence be the epitome of a perfect but realistic couple on tv. I've seen so many moments and couples that screamed 'this is what I want' in my head. I took mental notes of what I wanted to look for in men, in relationships, in life. I also took down notes of what I didn't want in all of those. To be honest, I was totally picky about which boys I talked to, flirted with, and dated. If they didn't fit my list that was a combination of so many picture perfect tv romances, I wasn't going to waste my time. I didn't want something that would last 3 minutes before he hopped onto the next train to Arkansas to find another girl. So I waited, I waited until I was graduated from high school and 19 to really start dating.
 In that time, before dating and through high school, I found myself. I found out who I was, or at least found out more about myself than I had known in middle school. I triple checked my list of combined romances and couples in my head, made a finale copy, and stuck to it. So I started dating, and to be honest it was okay but nothing major. Then something happened that put a wall in my tracks and I shut it all down. I picked myself apart, I picked my list apart, I picked my entire being apart. I became critical of myself and had to learn to find myself all over again.
 So I went back to my list. I made a new one, with some of the same people and same images. I rewatched the entire series of Gilmore Girls and found myself to be so similar to Rory, so I did what she did. I stopped trying so hard and just let it happen. But I made sure to remember my list, because after essentially reinventing myself I knew I deserved to be happy with the best.
And if I wanted to make a list of those couples right now, I could do so off the top of my head. Monica and Chandler, Rachel and Ross, Luke and Lorelai, Rory and Dean, Rory and Jess, Rory and Logan (Rory was always and will always be couple goals no matter who with), Veronica and JD, Pacey Witter and Joey Potter, Meredith and Derek, Piper and Leo, and who could forget Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski.
 I had iconic moments plastered in my head from all of these couples of what I wanted in a partner, or a relationship, or both. With Zack Morris I wanted the wit and charm. JD had that spunk and unpredictable moments. Dean supplies the gold retriever likeness and comfortability. Chandler the jokes and understanding.
 Each couple also had a moment of their own that I admired. I was able to figure out, after finding myself, what kind of guy I wanted to be with. So I let life come to me and decide whether or not something would fall in my path, and hopefully not a wall this time. And though it's to early to tell, I think maybe something someone nice has indeed fallen into my path.

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