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Hurtful People

by - December 21, 2016

 There are hurtful people in this world. I know this for a fact, I've watched CNN and heard how human beings can bomb places, and shoot people, for no reason. I know how horrible the world can be, but I just never want to believe it for whatever reason. I don't want to think that people can be horrible to another human being because if I live in this world thinking everyone is horrible to one another, I will never be happy. I will never be able to trust people, love someone, enjoy life. But being who I am; naive, trusting, friendly, optimistic, hopeful... Being that has caused me so much pain when it comes to meeting hurtful people with bad intentions. So at the moment I'm sort of lost on who I am and who I should be. In this moment I am utterly alone with myself. I know in a month I will be fine and forget all about this person I called a friend for a while, in fact I already have. I know I will be alright. But right now, when I am writing this, I am hurting. When I post it, I know I won't be.
 There are going to be hurtful people that find a way into your life with smiles and laughs. They will treat you kindly and say the perfect words that are all lies. They will manipulate you in ways you won't notice until it's to late. They will hurt you in ways that crush you to your core. They will do things that make you paranoid without even noticing it. They will drive you to pure insanity over thinking 'is everyone like this?' when in reality it's just them.
 If I let people like that control me and who I am, it'll ruin my life. If I let them influence me in any way, that too will ruin my life. And you can't let people like that, people who are worse than pond scum, ruin you.
 I'm not strong I can tell you that for sure. I'm not some kick ass, plaid wearing, covered in scars, gun slinging, bourbon drinking, monster hunting, no emotion showing, tough as nails, bad ass. I can only say two of those nine things relate to me and definitely not the gun slinging one. I'm not some tough person though I sure as heck can act like one and pretend to be one. I have seen enough movies and tv shows to know what it that looks like. I can pretend not to be overly caring. I can pretend to not think everyone is amazing in their own way. I can pretend I don't think the best of everyone. I can pretend not to be optimistic. I can slip on an old plaid shirt, a leather jacket, some ripped up jeans, combat boots, and have a stone cold expression on my face. I've seen the characters who are portrayed as bad ass and sometime unemotional wear this outfit like a uniform. It's so easy to fake that because I've done it before. So why not just do it again?
 Perhaps because now I don't want to. I don't want these horrible people to see that they've broken me down. I don't want these bad people to win. So I'll fake it. I'll fake it till I make it essentially. I'll bandage myself up, put a smile on my face, dress myself up nicely, and keep moving forward. What more can I do but that?
 I know that when I decide to eventually post this it'll be because I'm over it. I'm over the person who decided to sink her vile teeth into my skin and poison me with hate. I'm over the situation that she did and can easily roll my eyes at it and think "wow I let that crazy person control me? How embarrassing." And I know everything will be better. So if and when I post this, just know I'm truly fine and extremely better.

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