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Twenty

by - January 25, 2017


 Say everything you feel in the pit of your heart, every little damn thing. Because one day you won't be able to say it.

 I've been noticing time escaping from me more and more recently as I get closer to turning twenty.  I can almost feel time slipping through my fingers like grains of sand from the beach. I know twenty is still young but can you just think about it for a moment. Just think about it. I've been breathing this air for almost two decades... twenty years... 240 months... almost 1,043 weeks... 7,300 days... 175,200 hours... 10,512,000 minutes... 630,720,000 seconds... 
 It makes me wonder how much time I wasted doing things I regret, shouldn't have done, sleeping, over thinking, crying, letting the worst get to me. It also makes me think how much time I spent laughing so hard my belly hurt, loving, smiling, dancing, taking photos, going on fantastic adventures, soaking up the sun in Hilton Head.
 I despise growing up, asking me how I feel about turning another year older and I can help but cry. It's hilarious really, because I couldn't wait to grow up. Now I want it to stop, I want to stop at 20 and just live forever but never grow older. I just constantly have the fear of wasting time doing nothing. Like in summer when you're between freshman year and sophomore year of high school. If you aren't taking advantage of everyday of summer you are wasting it. If you aren't outside all day or driving to some cliff jumping spot then you're wasting it. But the past couple of days I haven't been wasting my life by just sitting inside doing nothing. 
 I want twenty to be different. I want to have so much fun being twenty that I won't know how to top it when I'm twenty-one. By the end of the year I want to have a million kodak cameras waiting to be developed. So many polaroids I have to buy even more albums. I want so much to happen that my brain on December 31st, 2017 is so overwhelmed by memories that I cry or something crazy like that. So far 2017 has been very good to me, it started out a little shaky but I'm here now. I'm ready to face being twenty... I can do this.

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