Strings Attached

 written 11/25/16
 If you aren't dating to get married, you're dating to break up. I heard this phrase somewhere a long time ago and I think this is the main reason I have decided to be single for most of my life. I go on dates of course, but I've never decided to go ahead and be someone's girlfriend. I think that's because when I think about being someone's girlfriend, I decided that I'm putting everything I've got into it. I'm all in.
 If we're together, then I'm all in and I want to be with you. I'll be your number one fan. If you want to be a musician then I'll travel to your shows and be there- front row- cheering you on. I'll help you when you have writers block, even though I'm not very good at writing songs. I'll stay up all night while you try to find inspiration. I'll blast your songs as I'm driving around with the windows down and learn the lyrics. I'll sing your songs in the shower and tell you how much I love them. I'll be your sidekick. If you need someone to drag to your parents' crazy holiday party, I'll come with you. I'll save you when your aunt has you trapped in the corner asking you all about your love life. I'll make up a game we can play with the problematic things your drunk uncle says. I'll make funny faces at you from across the room while you're listening to your cousins go on and on about their babies. I'll make up an excuse on why we need to leave so we can get away from the madness for some peace and quiet. I'll be your shoulder to cry on. If something happens where you just need to vent to someone, I'm here for you. If you just want to rant about how horrible this person was, or how bad this thing was that happened, or whatever then I'm there. If you just need to cry, go ahead and cry, don't just hold it all in. I'll be there with a triple chocolate chip muffin and ice cream for us to share afterwards. I'll be your distraction. If you've had a bad day at school, at work, with your family, or with friends then I'll be your distraction. Just give me 5 seconds and I can think of something for us to do just so you can get out of your own head and have a distraction. Want to go roller skating, I know a place. Need to go scream at the top of your lungs, I know a place. Want to go look out at the city, I know a place. Want to go for a walk, I know a place. Want to just sleep for a while, you can crash at my place and turn your phone off, I'll give you my good pillows.
 If I'm with you that's because I see potential in you. That doesn't meant we have to get married next week, or even at all, but I wouldn't mind doing it eventually perhaps. I know that we could be together now, but maybe not in two years. But you're worth the risk then. And I know you aren't some finished product, heck my parents are in their 40's and not even finished products. But that doesn't meant we can't grow together, because I know I'm not a finished product. If I'm with you, it's because I like who you are as a human being. I don't care if you're a successful billionaire or some college student already in debt. I like you for you and you are worth risking heartbreak for. I don't care if you're some anxious kid who doesn't have his head straight on yet, because neither do I so let's grow together and help each other. I don't care if you're some depressed guy who needs someone to drag them out of the house sometimes, believe me I get it, I've been there.
 But if I'm with you, that means I'm all in. I want all the strings attached. I want to be with you, be there for you, hang out with you, talk to you, listen to you, grow with you, and binge watch tv shows together while we're sitting in our sweats eating Pop Tarts. I accept your flaws and dysfunctions. I want to be there for you and with you. I know we might not last forever but I will fight for you and hold on to you for as long as I can. You can never truly hurt me unless you just give up on us, on what we could become and the time we've shared together. Get freaked out about being serious and want to break it off? No, we're talking this out and discussing this bad feeling you have. Having a panic attack about something and want to run away? No, I want to be with you while you figure it out. A relationship means you don't have to do this alone, when you ask me to be your girlfriend then I'm with you and there for you through thick and thin. I'll be here for you, just talk to me, tell me your bad thoughts and we can discuss them. Don't be afraid to tell me you're bad thoughts.
 If you're just with me to not be alone, don't hurt me like that. If we're together and you fall out of like/love with me, tell me. Don't string me on while I'm falling more for you when you're just done. Especially don't string me on if you're already out but just don't want to hurt me because I'm all in. I've seen what it's like when someone does that to somebody and I'd rather know, I can take it.

 I might not exactly date to get married, but I'm not exactly dating to break up either. If I'm dating you it's because I see potential in you, us, no matter who you are or what you do. I'm with you because I want all the strings attached and I'm in for it. So pick me, choose me, love me. Don't waste my time.

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