31 Things I Did Abruptly

We dream of each other and keep it a secret.
 Based off of this article I stumbled upon exactly one month after being abruptly dumped within 30 seconds of waking up, I realized I did some of these things too. After reading through this article with teary eyes and laughter I wrote a list of the things I did. I never figured I'd share this list, it was more for me to laugh at later down the line. But when I stumbled upon this article again out of the blue I realized that reading these things made me feel less alone. I wasn't the only one to be overly melodramatic as I scribbled away some pathetic entry in the notebook he gave me only to rip it out later and groan at my desperation...

  1. Packed a bag with just my phone charger and my laptop then left my apartment for two weeks. 
  2. Hid all of the remains of my now extinct relationship into a book, besides his toothbrush, and put it on my shelf.
  3. Accidentally find that book and cried for three hours over how cute he looked in jeans...
  4. Scrolled through my phone attempting to delete all the photos and messages from him. Instead backed all the photos onto a USB I've already lost.
  5. Re-read said messages trying to figure out the red flags, the hints, the warning signs, the evidence this impending doom was right there under my nose.
  6. Considered messaging the boy he didn't want me speaking to because of his 'bad intentions'. Messaged said boy. And the other boys who would jump at the chance to hear from me, be unblocked by me, are too bad for me, etc. etc. etc. only to ignore them all later.
  7.  Blamed the 30 miles, the 54 minutes, between us. The pretty, closer, girls. College. Life. Cars. Timing. Seasons. Literally everything.
  8.  Blamed him.
  9.  Blamed myself.
  10. Cried. A lot.
  11. Made a dope, and extremely mood-swinging, playlist ranging from John Mayer's Still Feel Like Your Man to Beyonce's Sorry to Lana Del Rey's Love
  12. Cleaned out my closet. I couldn't change my hair drastically since I've already cut it off, so the wardrobe needed a change.
  13. Wrote to him in my journal almost everyday.
  14. Binge watched the entire nine seasons of One Tree Hill saying 'me' out loud to all sad situations. While also learning valuable advice I'd forget quickly but remember later.
  15. Lost twenty pounds in two weeks, avoided eating because it only made me sick, got mad at myself for not eating.
  16. Pretended to be okay and utterly fine like Cassie in Skins hoping to trick myself into thinking I really was 'fine'.
  17. Started working out seven days a week and picked up more shifts at work to distract myself, make money, and get back to before.
  18. Cried in the closet and back room at work while folding laundry and having to listen to Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson.
  19. Scheduled a hair appointment to dye hair bleach blonde.
  20. Quickly erased said hair appointment.
  21. Scheduled a tattoo appointment.
  22. Walked to the tattoo parlor and decided not to get another tattoo.
  23.  Or piercing.
  24. Hurt myself a few times, once a little too much. Instantly regretted it and bandaged myself up, promising never to do it again.
  25. Cried at the Maroon 5 Concert as I screamed along to Daylight.
  26. Forgave him.
  27. Pitied him.
  28. Forgot him.
  29. Let go of him.
  30. Woke up a month later to see if it was all real.
  31. Realized this is it, and decided that I would just let him come speak to me when he was ready. Whether that be tomorrow or three months from now

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