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Reinvention

June 07, 2017

There is no greater radiance than that of a woman who has finally learned self love

 In the last three almost four months I have reinvented myself to a better new me. I have become so much more carefree than I was before, and before I was relatively carefree already. But I also have started picking up routines for my mornings and nights and even afternoons. I have taken pride in figuring out who I am these past few months since turning twenty.
 I am following my heart more than my head now. I am listening to music more. I am dancing more. I am laughing more. I am doing what I want more. I am taking risks more. I am branching out more. I am talking more than silencing myself. I am liking myself more now. I am letting go of my past more. I am stronger now. I am taking on more now. I am moving forward instead of taking two steps back. I am less anxious now. I am less doubtful now. I have less self hatred towards myself. I have less regrets now. I am more confident in myself now than I was before. I am not as anxious meeting new people as I was before. I am even more open about life than I was before.
 I  am so many things that I wasn't before and I take pride in myself for that. I am reinventing myself and growing into someone I am proud of. I didn't really realize how different I am and how far I've come until I met Jess. I wasn't nervous when I met him, like I usually am meeting anyone. I spoke about things that some people would consider to be too open and too soon for only knowing him for three days. I was cool, calm, and collected around him. I felt in control of my emotions for once and relatively comfortable with him. I realized it was so easily to just be myself and not be a lesser me or to put on a show around him to seem better than I really am. I was myself- truly open, truly carefree.
 I guess perhaps you could say that this isn't exactly reinventing myself but more of just being who I naturally am. But if you truly knew me you'd know it has taken a lot to get myself to be this way. To be myself.
 I used to be so harsh on myself for not being a certain way that I would try to reinvent myself constantly to fit a new type. I tried to speak softer. I tried to dress nicer. I tried to be more like someone else. I tried to walk cleaner. I tried to be someone else for a while then eventually it would stick. But now I'm fine with speaking loudly when I'm excited or mad. Now I dress how I want to whether it looks great or not. Now I try to be myself more than anything else. Now I don't care if I walk and my hips swing a 'little too much'. Now I no longer pick and choose the perfect traits of the perfect people to adapt to.
 I have reinvented myself to be myself and it's the best thing I can say I've ever done.

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