Before Sunrise

"I like to feel his eyes on me as I look away".
  Before Sunrise is a movie I watched and immediately fell in love with. From everything to the grainy film that the 1995 film had to the characters themselves. I think part of the reason I loved it is because it reminds me of this book I found years ago and adored instantly- Just One Day. It essentially has the same concept of that book. Two strangers meet- in this movie on a Train to Vienna. They meet and they instantly connect, it's truly undeniable that there is some sort of spark of connection between them whether it is small or large. They sit on the train together and when the train comes to a stop, they decide they both don't want this to end.

 So they don't let it end. Celine gets off the train with Jesse and follows him around Vienna. Through out the entire day they talk about things like life and love as well as everything in between. One of things that stuck out to me is how Jesse talks about what goes through your head when someone breaks up with you. "You know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you? It's when you remember how little you thought about the people you broke up with and you realize that is how little they're thinking of you. You know, you'd like to think you're both in all this pain but they're just like 'Hey, I'm glad you're gone'." When I heard that- I was in a relationship with Dean, it meant nothing to me. But now I think of it and it makes me think more about relationships and breakups and liking versus lusting versus loving. I rewatched this movie recently because there are two more of them, Before Sunset and Before Midnight. So when I rewatched this movie in a newer and different mindset it stuck out to me. I've noticed that every time I watch one of my favorite movies again, my mind changes towards it just slightly because usually when I watch it- I'm in a new phase of life. 

 I think one of the reasons I adore this movie so much is because it's from 1995. Movies back then were so different from movies today, they had this certain feel to them. I can't pin point the feeling it is but something about the way they did these sort of romantic movies were just so different and better than today's. I think it's also because I'm a sucker for the romantic fairytale like things whether it is a movie, a book, or a song that just strikes the right chord. How people view love and lust today is truly drastically different than they did back then. Back then there were these romantic gestures, these knowing looks, these defining moments, these chases, everything a sucker like me would die for. They are all strung together in the perfect way in these old movies from the 90's and even the 80's.

 "Alright, alright. Think of it like this: jump ahead, ten, twenty years, okay, and you're married. Only your marriage doesn't have that same energy that it used to have, y'know. You start to blame your husband. You start to think about all those guys you've met in your life and what might have happened if you'd picked up with one of them, right? Well, I'm one of those guys. That's me y'know, so think of this as time travel, from then, to now, to find out what you're missing out on. See, what this really could be is a gigantic favor to both you and your future husband to find out that you're not missing out on anything. I'm just as big a loser as he is, totally unmotivated, totally boring, and, uh, you made the right choice, and you're really happy." I have one or two guys that I've met in the past, had a crush on, and thought about in this way. I call them 'what if' guys. They are the guys that you weren't in a relationship with but had strong feelings for. They are the guys who you never started anything with but you could have, you easily could have. And I think this is another part of why I like this movie, because it reminds me of- not the 'what if' guys per say- but the what if moment. What if I had seen that guy again and started something with him? Would my life had changed drastically? Or would I have fallen back into line with life and be where I am now? I adore this movie because it makes me think of the possibilities of all the what if's in my life. From the boys I could have fallen for to the adventures I could have taken. From what bad things would have never happened to the great things that I missed out on without even knowing. 
 I adore the possibilities of what could have happened if my life had gone another way. Or perhaps, speaking freely here, what happened in a parallel universe that didn't happen for me. Perhaps somewhere in some twist of the universe I saw that 'what if' guy again and we got together and the things that happened during the summer after I met him never happened. What if life played out with him differently than it did without? And then maybe that 'what if' guy became the husband I was momentarily bored of- who would become my 'what if' guy then?
 But I can tell you now, I would never have that man be anything more than a 'what if' that occasionally crosses my mind every once in a blue moon for a second. Because I am so extraordinarily happy with where I am now, even with bad things happening here and there- overall I wouldn't change anything. I had that one moment with the 'what if' guy and that's all I needed. Some people are in your life for a night to teach you lessons in life while others are there for years. This guy was there for a night, just like Jesse was there for Celine for a night to teach her whatever lesson she needed to learn at the moment... 

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