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No Excuses

September 22, 2017

 I have taken on a "screw it" lifestyle as of recently and one of the things I learned while saying 'screw it' instead of 'you can do this' was to stop making excuses for others. So many of my high school friendships and relationships were me giving 110% and being taken advantage of. When someone would do something blatantly mean or rude I'd blame myself for it or chalk it up to them having a bad day. And when they would repeatedly do that or do worse, I'd continue the excuses.
 I would start to pity them, feel bad for them, make up some excuse that would make me feel sorry for them and totally excuse their manipulative or abusive behavior. I have done that for so long that it finally clicked in my mind that if one of my friends said "hey my boyfriend hit me but it was an accident because he was drunk" I would kick their boyfriend's ass and then help them get the courage to break up with him. But when it happened to me I excused him, brushed off my shoulders, cleaned the blood out of the sink, and went to bed. Literally just chalking it up to being him getting a little too drunk and me being in his way. But no. I should not have excused such actions and no one else should.
 I started this conversation with one of my friends about how I'm making sure to change myself in better ways and he agreed. I told him how I'm still okay with being naive on some things such as falling in love, though I'm a bit cynical still on some aspects of it. But on the other had I realize now that I need to just accept that sometimes people are just crappy. They are just mean, rude, crappy people and I shouldn't feel bad for them all the time if they are. My giving in to their toxicity was taking a toll on my own mental health and life. So I slowly cut more and more toxic people out of my life, friends and family. He told me 'preach man' and I was so glad someone else actually understood what I meant. Not that this is some wildly extreme idea of mine but a lot of people who I have brought this up to before didn't really agree or understand it for some reason.
 But I bring this up because I wanted to say that once I've done this, I've been able to weed out the good and the bad of friends much more easily. I've reconnected with two friends from middle school, a high school bud of mine I haven't seen in a year, and I've left a lot of people behind. I have a small selective group of friends now but I can see it slowly expanding now that I'm investing time in the good people I see. A few of my most recent ex's girl friends seemed really interesting and I'd love to reach out to them but of course loyalties fall where they laid before hand so I don't think that'll ever happen sadly.
 I know it sucks to think that maybe you wasted all this time on someone who turns out to be bad for you but in the long run, it's only a few years out of 80 or 100. And would you really want to waste any more time on them than you already have? I had two high school friends I was with for 6 years that were both toxic and bad. After I left both of them I felt better about myself and like a weight had lifted off my shoulders. I no longer felt that toxic air around me and I could breath again. So believe me, though it'll hurt and just totally suck for a while, it's worth it.

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