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Contradictions

December 06, 2017


 A lot of people have spoke about how within a few weeks I've gone from kissing boys and going on a bunch of dates to not dating at all. Then to posting sappy Instagram captions about liking a boy and blurring the face of the guy I dated for about a month.
 Well life happens. One second you're snogging the boy next door, then you're swearing off dating and men for the rest of your life- then a chance encounter in a parking lot leads you to Cleveland where you spend the day with a boy you barely know. You end up sitting in a coffee shop where you decide the business man with the old headphones is listening to screamo music and the two guys behind you- well one of them is up to something illegal, like maybe stealing expensive cars and selling them for parts. And that couple who sat behind you, well you see them later that night and though you swore the woman wasn't into the date they were having, she's very into him now. Then a few weeks later you have to mull over how to end things with him because he's just not who you want.
 Once second you literally can't stand men and they all drive you crazy- then you're smiling at him as he snaps a photo of you standing at the waters edge on your disposable camera. And a week later you're seeing him again, complete forgoing the idea of never dating again because maybe this time this guy will be worth it. Worth the anxious jitters you get before the next date, worth the eye rolling amount of times you have to redo you're eyeliner because you want the wings to look at least a little bit similar. But then you're back to the idea that you're wasting your time on this and you'd rather be single.
 There's a bunch of things I will probably write and say on this blog that contradicts themselves. But that's a part of life- once second you think one way about one thing, the next you've flipped sides and well wow you can't believe you used to think that way. If you looked at my apartment when I first moved in compared to now- you'd see my style has changed. I went from have Audrey Hepburn posters everywhere with modern but simplistic furniture and style with only Tiffany Blue being the color seen other than white or black. Now I have plants everywhere, it's all shades of blue and green, I'm buying rugs to lay on top of each other, I'm searching for a yellow couch, I have books shoved in every nook and cranny, I have a bar cart that's ready to be stocked with vodka the second I turn 21 while I've moved my coffee to a comfy corner by my counter top. If you looked at me while I was in my last relationship I was mousy and quiet, afraid to say the wrong thing so he wouldn't yell at me or leave. Two weeks ago you'd find me dancing like a fool at a concert with the boy I was dating seeing all of it and I could care less if he doesn't like me for the idiot I am. I don't hold back my thoughts anymore. Though things didn't work out with him and he wasn't the one for me obviously, who says the next one won't be?
 So while I do apologize for the confusion on my scatterbrained posts, life happens?

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