I Have Ghosts in my Apartment

by - December 15, 2017

 I have ghosts in my apartment, ghosts of past lovers I never actually or maybe fully loved. I'm sitting here listening to Halsey's Tokyo Narita as it slowly fades back into itself and repeats over and over again. I'm tired, it's 12:45am and I'm siting at my little table in my dining room. I don't know why but my brain started replaying scenes for me. Scenes I didn't care to remember.
 I look over to my front door and I can see Dean sitting there, elbows resting on his knees with his head in his hands. Maybe because he introduced me to this song- many months before we had even started dating though. It was one of his many desperate attempts to get me to continue to speak to him throughout our 8 months of texting before we actually met. But I can see myself walk from my bathroom to my front door and kneel down to him.
 Then another scene starts while the first one plays out. I'm sitting on my couch with my legs curled to my chest- Jess is sitting on the floor across from me with his legs stretched out. His hands are placed on the floor behind him, holding him up. We're talking calmly fighting and he gets up to come sit next to me. I'm scared and can't help but start crying so he wraps his arms around me. A third memory starts, with Jess, by my front door again. Now replacing the memory of Dean- this one not sad but more intimate. He throws me over his shoulders and I laugh as I wrap my arms around his waist trying to steady myself. We're laughing, it's intoxicating, the temporary feel good moment of singular bliss. Then follows Dean- us walking up my sidewalk at night laughing with me wearing his suit jacket over my little black dress.
 I am surrounded by ghosts that only come on with these songs. They only appear when I'm tired and listening to just the right sounds-just the right words. Sitting in the right spot where I can see them like a movie just feet away from me. Like a projection of memories both good and bad.
 Tokyo Narita, Remember You, and other songs like those. They cause the ghosts to come out late at night. 

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