Breath

by - January 17, 2018

 If you're having a rough start to 2018, don't worry- you literally aren't alone. I have this thing with time- even though it's a man made thing- I constantly worry about wasting it. Because I am constantly comparing what I am doing to others I always feel like me just sitting at home watching Charmed is wasting my time. Even though I'm literally snowed in, the roads are bad, I can't clean any more in my apartment, I've already done my morning yoga, and my plants are already watered. I can't read any farther in my book because I'm trying to pace myself and really take it in. I can't work on any of my current projects because I am as far as I can go for right now. I can't do anything else but light an incense stick, turn on Charmed, and relax. So I'm resting, which I know is something I sometimes need to do, but I feel like I could be doing more with my time.
 I feel pressured to be doing more because it's the start of a new year. I feel like I need to go out and do something in order to not be wasting my precious time. Like this "new year, new me" needs to happen right now. But that's not realistic, now is it?
 Answer is no- it's not. Just because it's already 17 days into the new year doesn't mean you need that toned tummy and new diet already in full swing. You can of course have your new diet started, or maybe you're still researching it and you're planning to start on February 1st. At least you're making progress whether it be fast or slow. You don't need to be full blown vegan already going to the gym 6 days a week lifting 210 lbs with those awesome legs of yours. But you can be cutting out dairy, going to the gym when you can or working out at home, and lifting maybe 30 lbs with your legs. I cut out dairy (for 99% of things) for almost two years now. I had real cheese on a pizza last night but that's only because I wasn't the only one eating the pizza and there wasn't a vegan option. I still eat meat occasionally but I try not to if I can help it. I go to the gym as of right now two to three times a week because the weather has been surprisingly bad and I have to cross the Ohio river to get to my gym which still causes me anxiety when theres ice on it. But I workout at home, I still do something at least. And I can lift 210 lbs with my legs on a good day but not every day, only when my head is really in it- on other days its only 170 lbs. It's taken me a long time to get just those three things done- so if you can't get to where I am by tomorrow, don't sweat it. Just keep making progress as you go. But if your progress doesn't feel like enough to you, I also understand that.
I want to be able to run for a long time again, my goal is to run a 5k by June. Yes, I'm going to the gym whenever I can to hop on that treadmill but right now I'm starting off slow. I'm walking 25 mins and running 5 mins- upping by 5 mins every week. I track my progress and keep going. I see the progress but I also get slightly upset when I'm not farther along already. There are people a few treadmills down running for 30 straight minutes and it almost diminish my feelings of accomplishment. I compare myself to them and then sometimes psych myself out so much I end up leaving earlier than I planned. I know that's a personal flaw of mine that I'm going to fix in 2018 but I also know I'm not alone in that aspect either.
 I think part of it is self pressure I put on myself because I also have zero patience when I know I can accomplish something- big or small. So when I know I can have the body I want and I'm working on it, I feel sorta crummy that I can't see progress almost instantly (which I know isn't realistic). When you know you can get somewhere or have something, of course you're going to be a little upset when it isn't just right there in front of you. We've all seen the jokes about how when you order something online you're instantly there at your mailbox waiting for it's arrival. But that feeling is so inevitably real. When you know you can get somewhere you're going to wish it would just happen already because your hard work is paying off, just not fast enough for you to see the end result.
 So for the beginning of this year, and maybe for the rest of it- remember that you aren't alone in this feeling. You don't need to be full force into the "new me" that you are working on becoming. You can and should take your time so you can become the best self you can be. If right now you're just looking up workouts to target places, or new diets you want to permanently take on- then that's perfect. You're working towards your goal. So take a breath, let yourself be in the moment of bettering yourself. And just remember that if you're consistent you will get there, everything good takes time.

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