Sparks

by - April 25, 2018


 There were many titles I could've given this post. He's Just Not Right For You. He's Just Not The One. When He's Right, But He's Wrong. When He's Almost Perfect. Sorry by Halsey. Almost Lover. All That's Missing Are Sparks. But instead I just settled with sparks, that's all I could muster up and not press the backspace on. Sparks. How cliche is that? How horrible is that? Sparks.
 But that's what it is- that's all this post is about. Sparks, and the lack of them when kissing a guy who is seemingly perfect. I hate myself a little bit for writing this- knowing one day he could stumble upon it. Knowing he could read what I wrote while simultaneously texting him about John Mayer. Yes, John Mayer. God the boy has a love for that man as strongly as I do yet here I am mulling over in my mind how to end something that just began a short while ago.
Stupid feelings. Whenever I jump into this messy boat I always find myself drowning eventually. A little leak springs and scooping out the water in buckets. Next thing you know I'm all the way under and I'm drowning.
 What I mean is- that I met this guy. He's great, he's almost all around perfect. He makes me really smile. He's sporadic, he hears that I've never done something before and next thing you know we're making a quick U-turn and pulling into the casino. He shares my taste in music, movies, even shows. He doesn't fit a type of guy and I like that, I truly adore that. We spent almost sixteen straight hours with each other just getting to know each other, asking hard hitting questions and opening up like people should do. Sure not all of the answers to all of my questions were exactly what I wanted to hear but that didn't bug me. People have their own opinions, decisions, and life choices right? But what got me, was how when he kissed me for the first time and at the end of our most recent date- I felt nothing. No sparks. I didn't feel that feeling where you just know you need to be with this person, where you just know you need this person in your life. And I hate that I didn't feel that. I hate that for whatever reason I didn't feel sparks when he kissed me or butterflies when I caught him looking over at me. When he put his hand on the small of my back to walk me past all the bright flashing lights I felt happy sure, of course, but I didn't feel that little tingle down my spine I've felt before when someone who was meant to be in my life had given me. I was anxious in a good way, where it's really more excitement than nerves. When the dates ended I wasn't dying to see him again, I was praying for more time- some excuse to spend more minutes together.
 He's great. This guy is perfect, for me and anyone else who is lucky enough to have him as theirs. But I felt no sparks...

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