How To Be Desired

by - May 30, 2018

“Devour me, If you really think that you can stomach me.”
 I've recently been thinking about desire- but not the lusty attraction you get seeing the man in a nice red shirt across the bar. The desire that makes you want to take him back to your place without even knowing his last name- or perhaps remembering his first after he says it. I'm talking about the desire people get when they feel the intense need to be in your presence. The Audrey Hepburn effect as I've always thought of it. Men said how they'd instantly fall in love with her just by looking into her eyes and seeing her smile light up a room when she entered. Women talked of how they wanted to be her friend, be a part of her group, and be like her- she still has that effect on women today.
 Well I've been thinking about what I can do to become that, become more desired. Become the woman that people desire to be present in their atmosphere. Or even to become more like- the Orion Carloto and Dua Lipa's of the world. I want to be the strong independent type that brings good people into her presence like the Meredith Grey's. I want to be the friend that people want to be around, want to stay longer with. I want to be the girlfriend that my partner wants to be around constantly, that never wants to let me walk out that door. The woman they can't get enough of- mind, soul, and body wise. I want to be the girl someone sees in a cafe on a Sunday and wants to ask about me. I want to be the person someone see's and just wants to get to know.
 I want my personality and presence to speak volumes for me. I obviously need to figure out the best way to show my well rounded self being in a good way. Something pretty tied with a figurative bow. With Spring and Summer that comes in sundresses and sandals. With an old novel, a leather bound journal, and little earbuds in my purse. My makeup is minimal but my eyeshadow is captivating- I have this thing about my eyes. I'm softer, I still speak loudly and will speak my mind but my voice is just- softer.
 I know this all sounds so weird- and I'm not writing this to say that I want my self worth to be based off of how many people desire me. I'm speaking this because I want to discuss it. I do not, in anyway, think that the number of people who desire you should effect the way you think about yourself. I know a lot of people see the number of likes on a photo they post and think more of themselves the higher the number is. But that's not what this is- this is me wanting to be closer to people. Be seen more as the woman I am when I'm alone. To be interesting, mysterious maybe, and charming to people. I want my boyfriends' friends to like me and not see me as a bother when I go out to get drinks with all of them. I want my friends to enjoy being around me and want to invite me to join their other groups of friends. I just want to be like a sunbeam: illuminating, warming, healing yet never ever truly contained. I would like to be desired by many, held by none. All while still having a self worth of the highest regards.

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