Drowning

by - September 12, 2018


 I feel like a lot of people experience drowning on a psychological mental and emotional term but not physical. Obviously if you physically experience what drowning feels like, then either you've passed on to the next life or you've been lucky enough to come back to this one. But I've noticed a lot of people around me describe how they feel by saying they're "drowning". They are suffocating on the things around them that are surrounding them like dark waters.
 I've felt it before too- I've sat on the kitchen floor sobbing and crying about how life is so hard to live and why is it so hard to just survive. I've felt that sinking, drowning, overwhelming feeling. I've been there, where everything gets to much and you feel like your knees could buckle beneath you at any moment. Where you will just stop swimming and slowly sink to the bottom like you have rocks in your pockets.
 We have literally all been in water before, whether a pool or a tub. And you know that floating feeling, we've all felt it. Your hand floating in the bathtub as you lay there relaxing or your whole body in a pool as you look up at the trees and clouds floating by. We've all felt it. So why is it- when we have these drowning feelings, we don't remember the floating feeling. We don't remember what it's like to just let ourselves be there, weightless for a second, in the water that could easily drown us. Why is it that when we get that sink or swim feeling, we focus more on the sinking and the fear of it than anything else?
 Maybe this is a crazy thought- maybe I'm sleep deprived thinking this at 2:23am on a Thursday. Maybe I'm looking to far into the idea of mentally drowning. Who knows? But I wonder why, for me and a few people I know at least- that when we feel so overwhelmed we look to drowning rather than to say that we'll float. That'll just lay back, float, and let the waters go where they may. Let the problems we have that seem as enormous as the sea carry us where it may because maybe we literally can't do anything about it. So instead of trying to fight the waters, we let it take over. Not to drown us, not to overwhelm us, but to steer us and just let things go?
 Who knows? Maybe next time I start to get that sinking feeling creeping back into my mind I'll try and remind myself to feel lighter than the metaphorical rocks in my pockets.

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