Let's Talk Virginity Again

All the things that I did for you, just wasn't it for you
 I want to have an honest talk about virginity and what losing it is really like. I wrote one small post about how my personal idea on virginity had changed from the idea of it being this precious flower crushed to death after sex- to a made-up thing made to guilt the crap of out me which I call "Catholic Guilt". And I know after writing this I'll probably get some shocked call with a gasp in it from my grandmother once she reads this. Oh, but not because she'll find out after three boyfriends that I'm not a virgin. But because she'll be shocked I posted this. But I will, and I did because I feel it is something that needs to be talked about in this day and age. With women being pushed at and told to be silent, I feel like this isn't a topic we should be silenced on. This is something that should be normalized like it is for men. How come we can talk about the male ejaculation so easily that it becomes a joke on the movie screen? But when it comes to what really happens when women have sex for the first time- it's hushed even for educational purposes?

Every now and then it hits me that I'm the one that got away

  I wanted to write this article here because I wanted to talk about what I see sort of popping up more and more as time goes on. I really don't personally see too many girls discussing sex online anymore- especially since YouTube has decided to silence them in a way. But I am subscribed to Arden Rose on Youtube- who does occasionally make a few videos talking all about the important thing regarding female bodies and sex. Which is everything- everything about females bodies and sex is important. Which even though knowing as much as you can about your body is deeply important, I learned maybe 3% about my body from an educational place and 97% from friends, partners, and the internet.
 The one thing I wanted to add into this conversation though was the repeated idea that not everyone's first time is perfect. Mine certainly wasn't- let's just say a few tears spilled past my eyes that night. And oh my god, it happened in a little twin bed. It only lasted a few minutes- but good on Dean for being a good sport on the whole thing. It was as good as it possibly could've been but I was also racked with guilt for a few days afterwards.
 A week later Dean and I almost broke up for the first time then he dumped me later, the day after Valentine's day. We all know this story already, no need to rehash it. But the reason I bring up those not so sweet things is that even though he did those really shitty things- I definitely still think Dean was the right person to lose my metaphorical V card too. And literally a few hours after we first had sex I had the realization that precisely nothing had changed so we did it again.  
 Even though we ended up going out separate ways like a month after I had "given myself to him" I know, today, that I don't really care or even think about that night. The only time it pops into my mind is when I have to remind my grandmother that me giving away that little inconvenient part of me doesn't make me any less complete than I am now. She'll make a comment about how I should wait to have sex with my partners because "why would they want to buy the cow when they can get the milk for free"? Which is obviously such a toxic way to think but she doesn't mean to ever hurt my feelings when saying it. It's not okay, but it's how her generation thinks and I get that. That's why I'm making this post. Because I have a friend who is so grossed out by sex that she hasn't had it in like a year. Not because she doesn't want to but because she isn't comfortable with it. 
 There are so many women that should know, and knowing how their own bodies work is highly needed. The education on our own workings is beyond important. To know that your body isn't dirtied by the hands of someone else touching you in an intimate way when you have sex with someone is important. If society is seriously going to keep shoving the idea of women being dirty once the fragile idea of virginity is broken because your hymen apparently is then I might actually go insane a bit. 

Olivia Hussey in Romeo and Juliet (1968)

 I cried after I lost my virginity because I felt so disgusted by myself for giving myself to a man I'd later realize I loved in a silly slight different kind of way. I felt horrible for tying this metaphorical red string to him and allowing him to always be attached to it no matter where he went. That somehow, a piece, a thread of me, would always be tied to him. But today, in the grown-up mind of twenty-one year old me, I wish I could've told nineteen years old me to not feel bad. To not feel used and pathetic when he broke up with me shortly after. I gave myself to him in that way but that doesn't define me. That doesn't make me dirty. That doesn't give anyone any right at all to call me a slut for something like that. I thought a million and two horrible things about myself after I lost what society labeled as my virginity. 
 So if you have lost your virginity then you probably know what I'm talking about. Maybe you were one of the lucky few with rose petals, lit candles, a rented hotel room, and it was beyond perfect. Or maybe you're like me and had a more realistic experience of a little discomfort, a little awkwardness, a little speed bumps and no real climax to that rollercoaster. I feel like this is something that should be discussed more openly with people who think about having sex. I realized most of what I knew came from Tumblr (I know, I'm shocked too) and not my parents or information on medical websites or my high schools Sex ED. Hopefully, this post will help girls understand that this concept is outdated- and the idea of having a 100% perfect first time is out the window of reality. Oh, and also the first time with any partner- it's always awkward the first time.

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