She's Casual


 The hookup culture is wildly popular and also widely trashed on. I, myself, have never had a one night stand and never will. I've got to lock someone down before I get in the bedroom with them and fool around. We need to be in a committed relationship before I am signing your name under my list of partners. I didn't start seriously dating until I was nineteen- I wanted to bypass all the bullshit high school relationship and be with someone who wanted to be with me for at least a few years. If you've been with me for a while, you'll know I cried over this idea shortly after my first break up. All I wanted was some guy who would be like "yeah let's grow a bit together and have fun". All while pumping each other up and helping each other out. Not in the sort of enabling way but in the healthy way two people should doing it like.
 I thought about the hookup culture and throwing myself into it after ending my second relationship. I'll be honest- I had checked out of that relationship two weeks before it ended when I found I had feelings for someone else when I ran into them again. It wasn't like I was pining after this guy for so long, I had actually expected to never see him again. But after realizing, if feelings with him even fluttered to the surface at all- that's not good. For my relationship, it wasn't good- but for me, in general, it was great, I had finally found a reason and courage to remove myself from a toxic abusive relationship. In my idea of reclaiming myself and my new found freedom- I went a little overboard with the idea and hopped back onto Tinder 20 minutes later while with my friends. I said, "fuck it". I was going to get right back into the dating field- and in my mind, I was ready to either get into a relationship or a bed with someone. I was truthfully down for either option to happen for I, in my post-breakup new-found-freedom-empowered mind was thinking, "yeah, fuck it."
 I had talked to my partners, my girl friends, and my guy friends, all about hookups. I honestly can't tell you if a majority of people told me they hated them or enjoyed them. I know a few of my girl friends that did it said they enjoyed it- while recently one girl who used to be super into hookups told me that she was never really into it honestly. On the other hand, a decent amount of my guy friends (and of course my partners- one was totally lying, one was not) told me they hated hookups while continuing to do it. Yet actually, only a few of my guy friends were actually straight up about being into hookups. I don't know how to decipher the answers from the guys though of course because I always end up usually hearing about how I'd like the girl he's currently hooking up with. I- personally, have never truly- hooked up with anyone. So again, I don't feel like I can say much on this topic to anyone. But- I'll give my input anyway since it has been a topic of discussion among a few friends and I recently- with some important highlights from conversations I'd like to share.
 Out of everything that I've heard of when it comes to my friends' opinions of hooking up and the culture that follows- we all agreed that hooking up was only good or bad depending on the person and the situation. By that, we meant it was only good if it was consensual, done for the right reason and not a reason of cheating or revenge, and was something you actually wanted to do. It was only bad if all of those good things weren't present, and if you didn't have fun or the satisfaction you were looking for of either being told "yes, you're attractive" or just an orgasm from someone else. By situation, everyone essentially meant that you're not just going to the bar and dragging home some person out of spite or any negative connotation.
 I even asked my current partner about his ideas of it- "do you actually hate hookups or are you just saying that right now because you're dating me?" He's a no bullshit person- so I know if he did like them, but preferred to be in a relationship, he would just say that. But he told me that he truly just didn't care for them, never wanted to do it and never intended to do so either. It's just not a thing that he likes to engage in for himself.  Obviously, that's why he and I have been in a relationship for several months and not just fooling around like a bunch of fools in my king size bed.
 I want to end this post by saying that hooking up is up to you to and only you. If you want to- then go for it and stay safe while doing it. Get tested regularly, don't join a cult, don't go to shady bars and go home with shady people no matter how nice their leather jacket is, and carry a condom. If you don't want to hook up then take the other route- get to dating or hop on Tinder and weed out the bad seeds with a straight up "what are you here for?" question and an 'unmatch' if they say "I don't know, I'm just sorta on here." That's what I did when I used the app back in the day for solely dating and it got me into two good relationships. Well, the one I'm in now is pretty great yeah know, but what I'm saying is that you can do the casual thing and find someone to hook up with on Tinder. You can grab a friend and start something with them that you both agree is something fun and casual. You can be set up on a date and find a guy and then start sleeping together before or after the official label conformation. Or you can date someone, wait a few months or weeks and then sleep with them. It's up to you on what you do with your body and what you do with another person's body, respectfully

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